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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27422254">One Step Forward, Two Steps Back</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricblueninja/pseuds/electricblueninja'>electricblueninja</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Five Love Languages [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bad Matchmaking, Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Sam Winchester, Supportive Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:47:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,140</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27422254</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricblueninja/pseuds/electricblueninja</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam just wants to help, but...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel &amp; Dean Winchester, Castiel &amp; Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester &amp; Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Five Love Languages [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988281</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>One Step Forward, Two Steps Back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Question: </p><p> </p><p>How many years can you spend pining for someone but not doing anything about it, the whole time failing to realisethat they feel the same way you do, in spite of about a million subtle and <em>very unsubtle</em> clues?</p><p> </p><p>Answer: </p><p> </p><p>Apparently, if it's my brother and Cas, it can continue indefinitely.</p><p> </p><p>Cas sort of has an excuse. He doesn't really know how to 'people', which isn't his fault. And on top of that, I think he's scared. There's been a few times when things have gone south between him and Dean. I don't mean minor disagreements, either. I mean <em>deep</em> south. Past Mexico-south. I get the feeling that Cas is afraid of something like that happening again, so he just straight-up won't risk doing anything that might cost them their fragile peace.</p><p> </p><p>Dean, on the other hand, has decades of Reasons for being an idiot. Not excuses. <em>Reasons</em>. Toxic masculinity, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment...the list goes on. With Dean, I'm not sure whether him being blind to how Cas feels is on purpose or unconscious. But either way, it's painful to watch. And it's been <em>years.</em></p><p> </p><p>Just to recap, here's a highlight reel of times when Cas and/or Dean demonstrated their astonishing stupidity and/or an insane ability to pretend they don't high school '<em>like</em> like' each other.</p><p> </p>
<ul>
<li>Cas offering to watch over us while we sleep.</li>
<li>Dean overreacting to the suggestion.</li>
<li>Dean admitting to me that Cas regularly appeared to him while he was sleeping, and, from what I gather, waited patiently for Dean to wake up rather than disturbing him.</li>
<li>Dean being suspiciously awkward about admitting that.</li>
<li>Cas hauling my ass out of the cage. (Admittedly, that one was <em>kind of</em> for me, but I'm pretty sure that it was also, in large part, for Dean.)</li>
<li>Cas appearing when Dean called. Not me, <em>Dean.</em> Because they have a more 'profound bond'. I mean, Jesus, how much more obvious could he get?</li>
<li>How desperately Dean wanted to trust Cas while Cas was making bad choices.</li>
<li>How deeply hurt and betrayed Dean felt when it turned out Cas <em>had</em> been making bad choices -- <em>and didn't talk to Dean or ask him for help</em>.</li>
<li>Me having to be the go-between when Cas and Dean refuse to talk to each other.</li>
<li>Me having to be the peacemaker when Cas and Dean take petty swipes at each other.</li>
<li>Dean carrying Cas' dirty trenchcoat everywhere we went after we thought Cas died from eating too many Leviathan, tenderly transferring it between dozens of cars.</li>
<li>Dean seeing visions of Cas all over the place after he thought he failed to get him out of Purgatory. </li>
<li>The lingering looks.</li>
<li>The unnecessary physical contact.</li>
<li>The cautious but desperate way they hold each other when they embrace.</li>
<li>Overreacting to threats (real or imagined) to each other's safety on countless occasions.</li>
<li>More lingering looks.</li>
<li>More unnecessary physical contact.</li>
<li>Dean insisting that Cas is family, which is the only way he knows to describe a meaningful relationship.</li>
<li>Even more lingering looks and unnecessary physical contact.</li>
<li>Cas giving up a literal army to protect Dean. </li>
</ul><p> </p><p>I'd be stupid not to see it, which makes the two of them even stupider. It's actually kind of amazing. And at this point, I've had to fight the urge to lock them both in the dungeon until they talk about their feelings one too many times.</p><p> </p><p>But Dean is emotionally constipated and self-destructive, and Cas is...Cas.</p><p> </p><p>So something had to be done, and I've taken matters into my own hands.</p><p> </p><p>I was <em>hoping</em> that the love languages book would be a nice, gentle push in the right direction. I thought maybe, just maybe, it would give Cas some context for how Dean expresses himself. </p><p> </p><p>But based on the new heights of awkwardness at the breakfast table this morning, I was wrong.</p><p> </p><p>Dean and Cas are sitting on opposite sides and at opposite ends of the table. They are both studiously ignoring each other, and both wearing expressions that I've only ever seen on toddlers before. Dean's is somewhere between sad and cranky, while Cas just looks lost and confused. Dean is hiding behind a laptop that he barely knows how to use, and Cas is staring dejectedly off into the middle distance. Both of them are silently nursing cups of black coffee.</p><p> </p><p>"Good morning," I say, more loudly than I usually might, just so they both catch on to the fact that I'm in the room.</p><p> </p><p>They glance at and then away from me in perfect sync.</p><p> </p><p>"Coffee's on the counter," says Dean.</p><p> </p><p>Cas stares unseeingly at the table. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe I shouldn't have tried to help him by getting him to talk about it yesterday. Maybe, after so long keeping it to himself, sharing it with someone else was too much. Maybe it made it too real or something.</p><p> </p><p>I help myself to coffee before going over to stand behind Dean, so I can a) see what he's doing, and b) keep an eye on Cas, who is now silently swilling his coffee and gazing into it like it holds the secrets of the universe.</p><p> </p><p>Dean's looking for cases. His self-imposed job has always been his favourite distraction. </p><p> </p><p>"Found one in Indiana. Looks like angel versus demon stuff to me," he mutters at the computer screen when I stand at his shoulder. As he scrolls, I catch a glimpse of a pretty girl's graduation photo, the headline 'Blind Date!?', and the subheading 'Eyeless corpses found encircled by Satanic symbols'.</p><p> </p><p>"Is that meant to be a <em>pun</em>?" I ask, deliberately injecting my tone with shock and horror to see if I can get Dean to make a joke of his own, which is almost always a worse alternative. </p><p> </p><p>He doesn't take the bait, so something is definitely up.</p><p> </p><p>I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure he glances over at Cas before replying. "Maybe you and Cas should go deal with that one, since you're the Heaven versus Hell experts." He clicks on another open tab, revealing a 'Mysterious Deaths in Locked Apartment' headline. "And I'll do the job up in Iowa, which looks like your regular haunting."</p><p> </p><p>"What?" </p><p> </p><p>It's definitely not our usual distribution pattern. Normally, it's me and Dean, or Dean and Cas. It's never been Dean suggesting me and Cas.</p><p> </p><p>"I mean...sure, if you want some alone-time. Does this mean you've got some girl tucked away in Iowa we don't know about?"</p><p> </p><p>I see Cas cringe a little, and make a note to apologise later.</p><p> </p><p>But Dean's response surprises all of us; maybe even Dean. Without saying a word, he slams the laptop shut, gets up so fast he nearly knocks me over with his chair, tucks the computer under his arm and storms out of the room, leaving me and Cas in stunned silence.</p>
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